I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
