this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
