I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
