Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
