I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
