Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
