and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
