his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
