I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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