Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
