What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
