You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
