I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
