Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
