shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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