Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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