Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm both gender and math confused
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
