my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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