I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
