I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
