Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
