I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
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I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly