Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)

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  (406): also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome) http://tfl.nu/u3lw
  Replies (7) Good night (571) Bad night (2031)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.

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  (970): Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game. http://tfl.nu/c0fd
  Replies (11) Good night (4629) Bad night (626)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?

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  (720): how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot? http://tfl.nu/rnjj
  Replies (17) Good night (702) Bad night (3031)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again

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  (618): Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again http://tfl.nu/9mpp
  Replies (34) Good night (6447) Bad night (842)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.

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  (712): He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him. http://tfl.nu/xqld
  Replies (30) Good night (5738) Bad night (1963)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.

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  (413): All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet. http://tfl.nu/zopf
  Replies (13) Good night (3386) Bad night (896)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.

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  (334): You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool. http://tfl.nu/6ccl
  Replies (7) Good night (1118) Bad night (3496)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".

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  (312): I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards". http://tfl.nu/xpqo
  Replies (6) Good night (2268) Bad night (983)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends

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  (440): I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends http://tfl.nu/0e7c
  Replies (22) Good night (1879) Bad night (1776)
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  (831): View more from California

  YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.

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  (831): YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL. http://tfl.nu/sk5h
  Replies (21) Good night (1733) Bad night (705)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.

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  (410): She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor. http://tfl.nu/beb7
  Replies (13) Good night (1781) Bad night (1112)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...

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  (520): Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first... http://tfl.nu/t3qp
  Replies (9) Good night (1185) Bad night (467)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.

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  (586): Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at. http://tfl.nu/sdak
  Replies (2) Good night (316) Bad night (707)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.

  (818): View more from California

  He could of at least asked

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  (571): He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude. (818): He could of at least asked http://tfl.nu/04jo
  Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (329)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.

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  (501): His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him. http://tfl.nu/o5lz
  Replies (15) Good night (1302) Bad night (255)

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