but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
