Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
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im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???