Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
