he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
