OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
