My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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