she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
