o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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