Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
