A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
