So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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