is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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