Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
