I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
