wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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