Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
