I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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