Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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