So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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