so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
