when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
