He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
