What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Still dying that you shit outside
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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