You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
