The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
