I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
