So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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