drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
