Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
