thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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