I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
