Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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