your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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