Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
