Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
