Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
