I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
