dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
