My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
