Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You work out of a Hotel?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
