Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
