Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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