considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
