Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sober January is a disaster.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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