I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
