Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this just has baby written all over it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
