When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
