he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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