if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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