I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
