Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize