I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
