what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
