The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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