i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
