And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
