Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
